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Lois Lane Has Nothing On Me

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August 12th, 2007

[Locked as Private]

I'm fairly sure that I'm the worst mother on the planet.

It's not just the porn, or the newfound enjoyment of mocking me in public, no, it's the fact that the bloody sugar bowl is empty and there's milk sloshed over the counters and Lord knows he won't sleep tonight, all because I was upstairs working all afternoon and wasn't there to tell him 'no.'

He has no sense of limits or boundaries, no awareness of what is and is not appropriate, and it makes it easy to forget sometimes just how young he really is.

What made me think I was prepared for this, capable of-- He's so very young and naïve, and I have no idea how to be what he needs.

Harry would know, how's that for irony? I should phone him up, I really should.

Perhaps I will. I'll phone up Harry, apologize and introduce him into Luke's life (I can't imagine they'd get along, but he might be a positive influence in spite of it all). I want him back in my own life as well, not as a lover, but a friend. My friends are in short supply, nowadays. I'm oddly lonely.

[/Private]
[Locked to captaincolgate and gallifreyisgone]

I received a rather interesting call a few minutes ago.

You two seem to have forgotten a few travelers. Rose is worried out of her mind, and Martha's gone down to Torchwood to investigate.

Where may I tell them you two have gone?

I told Rose you wouldn't have left her intentionally, please don't make a liar out of me.

[/Lock]

July 4th, 2007

[Private]

This is it, end of the world, maybe, and I'm sitting here in my bathrobe... blogging.

Ive been half expecting this for the last thirty years, and I'm as ready as I can be. Mobile's on, Mr. Smith is already analyzing and searching, and Luke... I'd never admit it to another soul, but I'm sitting in Luke's room right now because... Because when all hell breaks loose, I want him with me. I need him near me, I need to keep him safe.

I'd kill to be right there, doing something, helping-- saving the world all over again. I can't do it. I can't put him in the middle of it all, and I won't leave him, not tonight.

[/Private]

July 1st, 2007

Odd Facts about ME
DO YOU SNORE?:No. If I'm wrong about that, someone please tell me.
LOVER OR A FIGHTER?:Oh, a little bit of both, I suppose.
WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?:Oh, I've faced down most of them already.
AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO BUILDER?:A bit of one, yes.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY TV"?:Utter rubbish.
DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?:Not usually.
WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?:I suppose all babies are cute, in their way.
HOW IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?:Lonely, although I'm not sure I'd be happy with things any other way.
WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?:I have several. This one is black.
DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?:No.
HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?:Yes.
ANY SECRET TALENTS?:That would be telling.
WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?:Florana. We never did make it there, the Doctor and Doctor and I.
HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI?:Yes.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?:No.
DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE?:Absolutely.
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?:According to Mr. Smith's calculations, based on the size of the average human tongue, 94.314.
CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?:Yes.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?:Yes.
ARE SPEEDO'S HOT?:Oh, that would depend on who's wearing them.
WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?:I'm not a fan.
IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?:Absolutely not.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?:I suppose.
WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?:Nothing I've encountered thus far.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU":I honestly don't remember.
IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?:No.
DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?:No.
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?:Fried on toast.
ARE BLONDES DUMB?:Not as a general rule. I'm sure dumb blondes exist, but so too do dumb brunettes and redheads.
WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?:I really don't know. I once told Harry I thought there must be a room in the TARDIS for them.
WHAT TIME IS IT?:6:21 AM
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?:I find myself called SJ by far too many people.
IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?:Yes.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?:Last night.
DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?:Showers, as a general rule.
IS SANTA CLAUSE REAL?:No.
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?:No.
WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?:Tea and adventure.
CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?:Crunchy.
HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?:Yes.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?:Once, but I've only been up a few hours.
IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?:Yes.
ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS?:No.
HAVE YOU EVER HITCH HIKED?:Yes.
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?:Brownish-hazel.
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:A few nights ago, actually. Which is odd-- I don't cry often.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?:Most of it.
WHOSE LIFE IS BETTER?:Whose life is better than mine? I used to think I knew, now I'm not so sure.
ARE YOU PSYCHIC?:No. I would kill for a bit of psychic paper, though.
HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?:Yes.
DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?:No.
CAN YOU SKATEBOARD?:No.
DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?:Sometimes.
DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?:No.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?:No.
IS A DOG A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?:A dog is a lonely man's best friend.
YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?:Yes.
CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?:No.
DOES YOUR MOM KNOW YOU HAVE A MYSPACE?:I don't, and my mother died when I was five-years-old.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?:An apple.
DO YOU WEAR NAILPOLISH?:No.
DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?:If you're asking whether I fancy someone, that's a difficult question to answer. If you're asking whether I like individual people on a purely platonic level, yes, a few.
WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?:Even months later, those saccharin voices in the Bubble Shock commercials drive me up a wall.
DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?:No.
FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?:The Beatles.
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June 30th, 2007

[Locked to captainclogate

Thank you, for last night. It really helped put a few things in perspective, and I needed that.

[/Lock]

Oh, bloody hell.

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[Locked as Private]

Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit.

[/Private]

June 29th, 2007

I'm a terrible parent

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[Private]

I knew this was a bad idea the moment Luke and Maria came to us with the idea. Couldn't say so then, of course. Not with Alan Jackson sitting there in blissful ignorance. Luke talking to Jack Harkness. As if I didn't have enough to worry about, now Luke's gone and gotten in touch with Torchwood all on his own. One more thing to be constantly checking for, one more reason to look over my shoulder at every moment.

This was a mistake, the whole bloody thing. What do I say to Luke, exactly? How do I tell him that he must never speak to Jack Harkness again, because Jack Harkness' job is to give him a serial number, lock him away, treat him like some bloody test subject instead of a living, breathing human being? What's worse, how do I tell him that, even knowing this, I shared information with him, slept with him-- slept with him twice.

How do I punish Luke for dangerous curiosity when I'm the one who put him in danger to begin with? I betrayed him.

If I were smart, I'd run as fast and as far as I could from Captain Jack Harkness.

[/Private]

June 22nd, 2007

Since Luke's Done It.

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with the doctor.  the third one.
A - Age of first kiss: Seventeen.
B - Band Listening to Right Now: Belle & Sebastian
C - Crush: That would be telling.
D - Dad's Name: Nigel Collins Smith
E - Easiest person to talk to: There aren't many people it's easy to talk to, really, not when you've seen and done all the things I have. The Doctor, once upon a time. Jack, sometimes, about some things. Not having to explain everything, that's nice. Gods, I miss Harry.
F - Favourite bands at the moment: Probably Belle & Sebastian, although I do still love The Beatles.
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears: Jelly Babies?
H - Hometown: Liverpool, England.
I - Instrument: In school, they tried to make me take up the flute until Aunt Lavinia objected. (I wanted to learn the drums and the school wouldn't let me. I never learned an instrument.)
J - Junior High: That's the American term. On this side of the pond, we call it secondary, and I went to the Caterham School for Girls.
K - Kids: One adopted son, Luke. He's fantastic.
L - Longest car trip: I don't remember. Car trips are all so short, compared to some of the traveling I've done.
M - Mom's name: Alice Trent Smith.
O - One wish: I don't believe in wishing.
P - Phobias: I'm not sure there's much of anything that scares me anymore.
Q - Quote: "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire.
R - Reasons to smile: Luke. K-9.
S - Song you sang last: "Yellow Submarine," with Luke.
T - Time you woke up today: Five AM.
U - Unknown fact about me: Oh, I'd say I've got my fair share of secrets.
V - Vegetable you hate: Brussel sprouts.
W - Worst habit: Oh, I probably have too many to list. I'm a bit paranoid, I suppose, though I've a good reason for that.
X - X-rays you've had: Oh, let's see. I broke my ankle when I was nine-- fell out of a tree. I had films taken after a particularly nasty encounter a year or so back, the doctors worried that I'd broken my nose. I hadn't. Those are the two that come to mind, although I know there's been more than that.
Y - Yummy food: It's not a food, but I do love a nice cup of tea. Oh, and ambrosia on toast.
Z - Zodiac sign: Gemini.

June 16th, 2007

What am I thinking?

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[Private]

What on Earth am I thinking? Jack Harkness. Jack Harkness. Director of Torchwood Three. Overseer of the rift, and I'm supposed to meet him for some torrid liason? I must be daft.

The Doctor's looking for him, with my luck the TARDIS will materialize in the bloody hotel room. Wouldn't that be a shock. To all of us, really.

God, a hotel room. It doesn't matter how nice the hotel, any way you spin it, we're two people meeting in an anonymous hotel for a shag. I've never been that kind of woman, what the hell am I doing starting now? It's not like I can have him here, though. Not with Luke, and the Vortex Safe, and Mr. Smith upstairs. That's just what I need, Torchwood dosing the neighborhood with Retcon and stealing my technology.

Luke. I must be the worst parent ever to live, leaving him with someone else when I know how dangerous it is.

It's not just the sex, I need to know. I need to know how he got back, I need to know what Torchwood's doing to the rift, I need to know that someone will be able to talk some sense into the Doctor about this whole parallel worlds thing.

I have legitimate reasons for doing this, it's simply an investigation. There's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun in the process, not really.

(God help me, I even stopped at La Perla yesterday.)

What in the hell am I doing?

[/Private]
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